he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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