Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
