i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
