no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
