Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
