dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
