Got a toothbrush?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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