My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
