Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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