She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
