fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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