I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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