I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
