I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
