Don't make out with my wife yet
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
This is the high leading the old right now
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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