I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize