im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
