I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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