just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
