so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
