Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
