just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
