This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
