I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
