We're like a lot better than the average bears
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
