I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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