haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
