does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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