So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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