Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
