she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
