He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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