i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
