did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
