Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
