he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Randomize
