If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
it was like his penis was on wheels.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
