Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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