Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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