I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
