Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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