Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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