i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
