On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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