I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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