I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
