I looked at my own cervix.
my shit smells like andre
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
