Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
