I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
