he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
