i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
