you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
