i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
