I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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