As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
This is my gift to your gina
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
