I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
