I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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