At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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