It's Friday. Sex?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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