sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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