I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
the night ended with taco bell and tears
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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