why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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