I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
