I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
