So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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