Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
