you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
