I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
