I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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