your thong is hanging out like whoa
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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