Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
