You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize