can we get nightvision for the apartment?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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