i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
