That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Drunk is a universal language darling
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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