if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My liver just broke up with me...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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