Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I don't deserve a penis
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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