im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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