My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
