***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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