It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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