walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
