party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just found puke in my bra..
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
