How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
