so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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