i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
