but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Randomize
