i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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