Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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