maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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