The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
