This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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