just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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