I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
