Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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