Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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