I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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