Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
