I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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