He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just gargled with NyQuil
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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